10 things that advertising has taught me.

Ranvir Singh wanders everywhere with a condom in hand. #DoTheSex

Even Anil Kapoor is invited for a boat party! #CumOnMyBoat

Katrina is dating an Aam and fantasizes touching it. #AamAsutra

Zoozoos are nothing but, the human versions on mars. #WhyGreyBackground

Also, Zoozoos are relatives of Sharad Pawar. #NoOneUnderstandsWhatTheySay

Congress has spent all the money accumulated through various scams in this LS elections. #HarHaathSaktiHarHaathTharki #ThatsRight

IPL’s “Bulava Aaya Hai” campaign was actually devised to tease Modi. #ItsLalitNotNarendra

Now you don’t have to earn it to have it. #BournWildShouldBeTheNewCampaign

Jo Tera Hai Who Mera Hai. #ButMeraMeraHaiAirtel

Salman always wanted to do something toofani, but many of his girlfriends have declined it beforehand. #ThumpsUpSalman

Kar Ke Dekho, Accha Lagta Hai (NoPunIntended)

A glimpse at the title and you know what this is about. Donating blood isn’t something you’ll dream about, even if it’s the scariest of all dreams. Yeah, there are some things that happen for the first time in your life. And this is one of them. Trust me; the actual time when you’re sleeping on a bed for blood donation isn’t that excruciating than the mental thought process that goes till your time comes. 

It isn’t a tedious process, but I’ll surely make it look like one. First you have to fill a form, wherein you’ve to tick several diseases that you’ve suffered. Basically, there are two options (tick on ‘Yes’ or ‘No’). No, it’s not like those CET exam papers, wherein you take god’s name and start ticking whichever option comes to your mind first. A wrong tick and there goes your chance of donating blood. And while you are filling the form, in the back of your mind you’ll visualize a sharp needle piercing your hand. This picture will compel you to tick on the wrong window for a moment. Is that discomforting? There’s more to it! 

Then you’re asked to check your blood group. You enter a small cubicle and there’s an old sister waiting for you. She asks you all sorts of questions, like the doctor does when you see him to cursb your fever or cold. The questions will be something like, Aapne Chaar Ghante Pehle Kuch Khaaya? Kya Aap Daaru Peete Ho? By this time you feel you’ve come to a dietician, who’ll suggest you a diet after blood donation. But that’s not how it goes. She takes out a syringe and pricks the tip of your left hand’s ring finger. Once she’s done with checking your blood group, she tells you whether you can donate blood or can’t. 

This is the time the actual wait starts. You are asked to rest your ass for some time in the waiting area. You’ll find people who’ve donated blood, sitting beside you, sipping coffee and eating biscuit (that’s the only thing that you’ll get). People who feel dizzy are asked to lie down for some time. Looking at them, you’ll surely feel nauseated. If you dared to ask the person sitting beside you about his experience, you’ll abhor yourself for doing that. 

Alas! Your time comes! They summon you and you proceed, taking baby steps towards that still and dead bed. You witness there are few more beds with a few souls occupying them. The doctor asks you to lie down on the bed. You close your eyes and wait for the needle to pierce your veins. It’s just a second’s game and you don’t even realize that the needle has gone in! Whoever thinks like that, has never donated blood. It does pain, but not the way you were thinking it to be. 

It’s not the end yet! It’s time for some party with coffee and biscuit. The hospital feels that it’s their job to give you royal treatment after they’ve taken almost half a litre of your blood. Must say that the coffee at Bombay Hospital isn’t bad! With that you’re given a Parle G biscuit packet. This is what sucks the most. Come on yaar, I’ve given 450ml (to be specific) of my adulterated blood, don’t I deserve a Dark Fantasy!  

To make these blood donation camps a hit overall. They should have a new tagline… Tum Humne Khoon Do, Hum Tumhe Coffee Aur Biskoot Denge. 

Universal Friend

He’s my best friend.

He enlightens me each and every day.

No matter day or night, he’s always there for me.

From dawn till the dusk, he’s there.

24/7, 365 days, he’s there for me.

He has no expectations from me.

He keeps me company when I’m alone.

He’s the one who guides me, whenever I stop at something.

Even if I pause, he comes up with several solutions.

Most of them which are really hilarious.

But… He runs on electricity.

And the world knows him by the name… Google.

I’ve no time for ME!

Me to Myself: Can I spend some time with you?

Myself to Me: Yes, sure give me 5 minutes.

After fifteen minutes…

Me to Myself: Hey 15 minutes have past.

Myself to Me: Oh, I’m really late for office. How about once I return from office?

Me to Myself: Ok. As you wish.

After coming home back from office…

Me to Myself: Hi, How was the day?

Myself to Me: So fucking hectic, man.

Me to Myself: Do you have some time for me now?

Myself to Me: I’ve to prepare a PowerPoint presentation. Have a client meeting. Can we shift it to tomorrow?

Me to Myself: You sure you’ll get time tomorrow?

Myself to Me: Oh yeah. Of course.

The next day nothing changes. It’s the same.

Nowadays, people have become so busy in making money that they don’t have time for themselves. All they want is Increment, Promotion, BIG salary, Business trips, Promotion, More business trips, and it goes on…

P.S.: This post is actually the idea of Ankeet Patel. He’s a phenomenal writer but doesn’t believe in publishing his stuff. He’s too shy for that matter.

It's Punny

You know that Korean pop singer? He’s too Psy in person.

World ended: But I’m still living

They said, “Coming 2012, the world’s going to shut down.”

Earthquakes, Hurricanes, Volcanoes, Tsunami

Every possible disaster will embrace the world

Taking out every single breath, our bodies will be left numb

Some paid heed to it, while some laughed it off

Some prayed, prayed hard, while others enjoyed

Because, they have just few days in hand

I kept wondering with several questions wandering in my head

“Why is the world ending?”

“Is the almighty so pissed off on us?”

“But father never leaves his children to die, isn’t it?”

“How can the world end?”

“Will all the humans die?” I mean for real

“Who will end it?”

“Someone whom no one has ever seen?”

And the day arrived

There was nothing new about it

Sun rose from the east as usual

People didn’t bother about what’s going to happen

Maybe they were too busy making a living

Or did the sight of annihilation, get flushed out of their psyche?

The day ended, but not actually

I guess the calculations went wrong

Or maybe the Yamraj had gone on strike

Or was he sent to some other planet to pick up the consignment?

Nevertheless I had a great day at work, nothing new to talk about

Besides, everyone discussing about world

At least for once

Sleep summoned me as the clock ticked 12

And there I was in my bed

Dreaming again

About everything but not the end

Ma(a)The(y)Ran – with friends…

Have you ever been for a trek? No, I don’t mean a walk to some zoo over here, actual trekking. If you’ve been to Matheran, Sanjay Gandhi National Park in Borivali or Tungareshwar, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Matheran is the perfect getaway for those who love trekking. But the worse part of Matheran is the travel (I know it sounds contradictory). The government has closed online reservation for mini toy train and you’re forced to stand in a queue for at least 2hours (on weekends). And after standing in the line, there’s absolutely zero guarantee that you’ll get a ticket from Neral station to Matheran. There are just two options you have, to get to Matheran. You can either take the toy (which is waste of time) or take the Omni (agents are already on the search for people on station) which will drop you at Aman Lodge (Entrance of the Matheran). Matheran is approximately 11 Kms. from Neral Station and if you think you can take the tracks (toy train one) then you got to be kidding.

From here on you have to walk for almost 25 - 30 minutes to reach Matheran Junction

As per our (Ankeet, Neoma, Yvonne and me) plan, we were supposed to reach Matheran around 10am, but in vain. To reach Neral station we boarded the Deccan Express (Intercity is preferable though). After getting down at Neral, little did we knew that we would have to stand in line for almost 2 ½ hour and when we were in front of the counter, it shuts down! So, we are left with two options: either wait for the next train (which was around 12:30) or take the cab, omni or whatever we get to reach Matheran. We chose the latter option. Also, we were planning to follow the tracks, which could have been horrific. A travel agent hovered around us and was sure that we would pay heed to his advice about taking the cab rather than standing for more 2 hours.

If you don't prefer to walk you can also take the toy train from Aman Lodge to Matheran Junction

We had planned for an over night trip and had zeroed down to book the hotel or cottage once we reach the place. The agent also gave us a good deal on our stay, so that was sorted. Within 45 minutes we were at the entrance of Matheran. Cutting Chai (Tea) works the best when you’re exhausted (that’s what most of the people in Mumbai say). We had tea and moved on to step on the red soil of Matheran. After walking for about more 45 minutes, we reached Matheran Station, where the toy train halts. I fished out an envelope from my pocket on which the name and number of Narayan was written. Narayan was the person who was supposed to guide us to our room. Once in our room and after Narayan briefed us, we freshened up and had our lunch (yes, the clocked ticked somewhere around 1:30pm). After filling our tummies, we had a nap and then started our trek to the Porcupine Point (Sunset Point).

If you’re planning to go to Matheran, then let me warn you that the route to any point has several other diversions. One road might end up with two diversions, and those two might divert into four more. Also, the red soil is too dusty. It’s good to go out in shorts. After walking incessantly, asking people for direction, we reached Echo Point (God knows why it’s called Echo Point. If you call out anyone’s name from there, it’ll be hopeless to wait for your voice to return). We visited 2 points (Echo and Sunset) and unfortunately, there was little difference between the two (At Echo Point there was this Gola wala, which was missing at the latter point). One thing that I can boast is that we got to see the sunset! We reached the point around 6:10pm (that’s the perfect time when the sun sets). And from then on it started getting dark gloomy, so we had to move. If there wouldn’t have been other people with us, we would have lost the track back to out room. If you feel it’s getting too dark, then you can take the horse ride back to the market (It’s safe and convenient). 

Horse rides are available at every point

Hey, can you see the sun setting?

Till the time we reached our room, we were completely exhausted and hungry, too. After having a wash, we took half an hour nap and then headed to the best place to have food in Matheran. Ironically, the best places in Matheran were our room and Matheran Restaurant! From authentic Non-Veg to Veg, you’ll find everything here. When complimented for food, Zamir Kazi (owner) said that they are planning to extend the business and have something like Bade Miya (Yes, the one which is behind Taj Hotel, Mumbai). So, next time when I go there, I’ll get to enjoy chicken and mutton rolls! 

The famous Matheran Restaurant

That's me with Zamir Kazi (Owner of Matheran Restaurant )

If I had to rate this restaurant out of 10, it would be:

Ambiance – 9

Food (Quality & Quantity) – 10

Service – 9

After our dinner, we got into our room and switched on the TV. Yes, it was somewhere around 10pm. Nothing intriguing was going on so we had no other option but to watch BIGG BOSS Finale (Yes, the same house where people who sit idle at their home are brought and dumped here!). Due to excursion, all were tired and fell asleep within an hour.

Our next day plan was to get up as early as possible and head towards Sunrise Point. We all wanted to see the sun rise in front of us, but no one got up before 8am. Once all were up, we went out to have breakfast (No, unfortunately we didn’t go to Matheran restaurant) and then on we did our shopping. We bought Fudge, Chikki, Jam and other specialties of Matheran.

Come what, we had decided to board the toy train to Neral station. We had the idea that if we stand in the queue at 2pm, we’ll get the tickets for 4:30pm toy train. So, we divided ourselves into two teams. We asked the girls to go and pack their bags, while I and Ankeet stood in the line. There were many people trying to get in between the line by hook or crook. A couple of them also asked me whether I can buy a ticket for them. Standing in that tedious line, I learned that if I allowed someone to come in between, I would shun a person from getting a ticket, who’s standing in the line for almost 2 hours. We didn’t allow anyone to let in and we ourselves didn’t do it. Once we got the tickets in our hands, we felt like we’ve won a battle (Not actually). I’m sure there must have been many of them who had to go walking till the entrance (Aman Lodge) and from there on take a cab, because that was the last mini train to Neral station.

Once we locked our room, we handed over the keys and headed towards the junction to take our seats in the train. If you ever visit Matheran, you should enjoy the train ride while going or coming (at least once). I had my balls in my mouth, when I peeped down the deep valley as the train moved down. Also, you’ll get a glimpse of huge Ganesha idol somewhere down the route to Neral station. We reached the station around 7pm (almost 2 hours). The time taken to reach station is equivalent to the time that you have to stand in the line for tickets. How ironic!

From left to right: Me, Ankeet, Yvonne and Neoma

P.S.: I told my family that I’m going to Kolad for company’s induction program… Ssshh…

  

Visiting Matheran? Read this!

Do your research before visiting Matheran (That’s what you’re doing, right?).

There are just 4 toy trains from Neral station to Matheran in a day.

You can’t book the tickets in advance. There’s no online booking like before.

There are agents who black the tickets (No. I’m not hinting you anything).  

Carry good rugged trekking shoes.

Wear shorts if possible. As it is dusty, the soil can get on your jeans or trouser.

Carry WATER with you when you go out to visit various points.

Be at Sunset, Luisa or any point, return your journey before 6:30pm.

We you’re able to then do buy the tickets for toy train (from Neral station to Matheran Junction). But, be ready to stand in the long line (on weekends) in order to get the tickets.

That’s Raghu Dixit Project!!!

Blaring guitar, heavy bass, groovy beats, soothing sound of the flute and BANG ON vocals by Raghu Dixit! Yes, that’s what makes “The Raghu Dixit Project.” These folk-rockers from South-India have performed in more than 20 countries. They make some of the finest music which you can listen on any given day. They have performed for the Queen of England recently and are leaving their mark in every country they visit.

If you love listening to folk or fusion kind of music, then this is a band you surely must have come across. The fans (including me) had a crazy night on 18^th October with The Raghu Dixit Project playing live and Canvas Mumbai. Though, the show started almost 40 minutes late, it was still worth waiting for them to get on stage. Clad in their traditional attire, they kept everyone engrossed in their 2-hour long set.

Besides their regular Ambar, No man will ever love you, Masti ki basti and Mysore Se Aayi Woh, the band played some new songs in Kannada as well as Hindi. And, these new songs would be featuring on their upcoming album “Jag Changa.” The set list included a song written by Ankur Tewari based on Raghu Dixit’s childhood days in Nasik. But, the song which enthralled the crowd was Lokada Kalaji and Mahadeshwara. Those who didn’t knew the language also sang it and that too at the top of their voices.

In between the crowd, there was a birthday girl for whom Raghu Dixit and everyone sang the Birthday song. Yes, like all other girls, she also had a crush on the charming prince of the band, Parth (Flautist). So, to make her birthday a memorable one, Raghu Dixit dedicated a song (No man will ever love you) to her, on behave of Parth. And, also assured that her gift (Parth) would be packed and parceled to her in a Lungi.  

By the time, the gig came to an end, the crowd was jumping to Mysore Se Aayi Woh. They all took a bow and started wrapping up. While Gaurav Vaz donned the manager’s hat after gig, Raghu Dixit started engaging with the people and posing for a photo. People left with high spirit, no pun intended.

P.S.: Eagerly waiting for Jag Changa to be launched…    

Expectation

Expectation is the worst thing that one can expect!

Airtel Internet Ad – Jo Tera Hai Woh Mera Hai

Lately, I’ve been watching this Airtel ad everywhere. Yeah, the same, “Joh Tera Hai Woh Mera Hai” one. It’s stuck up in my head and refuses to walk away. Every time I switch on my TV for some music, this song has to be aired at that time. I don’t abhor the ad, but it’s too catchy and I can’t stop humming it over and over again! It’s an ad, where every youth can easily relate to. And, it has to, because it’s about FRIENDSHIP!!!

We all have friends without which our life would be like a deserted forest. Don’t you agree? The lyrics are very well written with day-to-day activities we do. Yes, Facebook, Twitter, what else do we do? But, hats off to whoever has written it! Also the video captures the perfect camaraderie. 

Here are the lyrics of that song and if have not seen it, watch it here! I bet on that by the end of the ad, you’ll be humming this song.

I, Me, Myself, Boring hai

US & WE Interesting hai

Internet hai toh, friendship hai

Friendship hey toh sharing hai

Jo mera hai woh tera hai, Jo tera hai woh mera

Jo mera hai woh tera hai, Jo tera hai woh mera

Hey, unghliyyon se mujhe drag kar le (Hey hey…)

Maze ke har pal tag kar le (Hey hey…)

Mera nasta tera cup plate ho

Feeling teri mera update ho

Jokes peh mere wink bhejh de

Jaye tu jahan mujhe link bhej de

Jo mera hai woh tera hai, Jo tera hai woh mera

Jo mera hai woh tera hai, Jo tera hai woh mera

Jaib teri mera kharcha ho (Hey hey…)

blog mera tera charcha ho (Hey hey…)

Main aur tu se hum bane

Hum se baneh hum sub

Sub se judeh toh zindagi

Hey zindagi wassup!

Tera bike mera hike

Tera post mera like

Tera sur mere gheet

Tera gossip mera tweet

Padhun har ek luk

Tera face meraa buk

Mera shukh tera shukh

Tera dookh mera dookh

Jo mera hai woh tera hai, Jo tera hai woh mera

Jo mera hai woh tera hai, Jo tera hai woh mera

 

A day of emptiness…

There is this one that comes every month, wherein I don’t know what happens to me. I feel like disconnecting myself from the world and being in my own world of loneliness. Though, this does not happens every time, but when it does, I feel a bit cynical about whatever I think and whatever I do. These are the times when my hands are typing, but my mind’s drifting somewhere else.

This is the time when I listen to more of metal or you can say heavy metal (I’m talking about music, not about iron, but yes about Iron Maiden).

This is the time when I don’t feel like talking to anyone on this planet. Just some “Alone Time” to get me back to my normal life from the darkness of that lonesomeness.

This is the time when I refuse to answer any calls or revert back to the messages.

This is the time when I ’m high on adrenaline. Even a question sounds like a blow to me.

This is the time when I wrap my feelings in a thick fur of anger and let it out through some mind-blasting hard rock, punk rock, progressive metal, heavy metal, nu-metal and every possible music genre which sounds heavy.

This is the time, while writing this post, I’m listening to Noiseware. It’s a heavy metal band from Pune for those who are not aware of them.

This is the time I don’t want any damn thing to takeover my psyche. I just want to be the way I’m for a few minutes or hours.

This is the time when my body temperature starts boiling.

This is the time when no one can calm me down, no matter what.

Though, previously I used to listen to anything (bollywood) that’s melancholy and makes me sadder to the deep of my heart. But that’s not the scenario now. Now, I say: come and crash me so hard that it rips me apart and take all my loneliness.

Do you have a day like this???